


in a Champagne Supernova in the sky

by xx1onedirection1xx



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Gen, M/M, One direction AU, Self Harm, larry au, larry stylinson - Freeform, larry!au, selfharm!louis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-11
Updated: 2014-03-11
Packaged: 2018-01-13 14:42:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1230271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xx1onedirection1xx/pseuds/xx1onedirection1xx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>it was school time and there was a boy in Year 6 who regretted lots. even though people told him he didn't have to. he was louis.<br/>there was a little, smart boy in year 5 that should be in year 4. his mum worries about him. he was harry.<br/>they meet somewhere and harry asks a lot of questions.</p><p>this is a story about the simple times that weren't too simple to these little kid bastards, and niall talks a lot and zayn shuts him up.<br/>liam wears too much hair gel and does cross word puzzles, and hates weed. he's kinda awkward, too.but they all fit together and just read the story if you want, you know. not forcing you to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. part 1: nervousness and purple eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it was school time and there was a boy in Year 6 who regretted lots. even though people told him he didn't have to. he was louis.  
> there was a little, smart boy in year 5 that should be in year 4. his mum worries about him. he was harry.  
> they meet somewhere and harry asks a lot of questions.
> 
> this is a story about the simple times that weren't too simple to these little kid bastards, and niall talks a lot and zayn shuts him up.  
> liam wears too much hair gel and does cross word puzzles, and hates weed. he's kinda awkward, too.but they all fit together and just read the story if you want, you know. not forcing you to.
> 
> \------PART 1/3------
> 
> (IT IS 1996)
> 
>  
> 
> (i say 'like' and 'shit' too much in this omg sorry this was really quickly made up bc of inspiration ugh)

 

**PART 1;3**

 

Harry was 9 and Louis was 11. Louis had long hair (longer than Harry's, who had just gotten his cut, by the way, and by a stinky old guy, too) and blue eyes that were like fresh cotton candy in May. They were like cotton candy that that happy guy gave to you, and smiled with their dry pale lips and said "here ya' go kid, enjoy it, will ya'?'. Harry doesn't really know Louis, and doesn't even know the boy's bloody favorite color. That made Harry feel like rubbish, because they were neighbors and were in the same school and everything. He should at least know the boy first.

So this was Harry, and Harry was only 9 and very innocent about everything (and didn't know Louis, not yet), and its 1996 and everything felt sudden.

 

Louis was 11 and felt like he knew everything (cause he did). He thought (and had been) through a lot in his 11 years, too. And they lived in a small little town, in a small little quaint house (him and his 70,000 family members, ugh), with very few people. So if something happens, it spreads out. It spreads around real fast, too. So yeah. But he still didn't know who he lived by, because he was shy and scared and very regretful. He thinks its a problem (and, this time, he was actually right).

 

"Harry," His mum said when he finished his strawberry pancakes. She had an angst-filled but excited look on her face. "Ready for your first day? Hmm?" Harry nodded sheepishly. Why would he be worried, anyway? She sighed, and looked away. "Umm, well, its your first day at Primary Ed. Think you'll meet others in year 5, too?"  
He scoffed, rolling his eyes like he'd seen other kids do on TV. "Course, mummy, you always say people will love me."  
She was crying now. Just like all of a sudden and that worried Harry a bit, but not too much, really. She was only a kid and all, anyway. "Oh, I know, you're lovely. Just, you know I worry sometimes, and all. But I know you'll do well, pumpkin. You always do."  
Harry got up and walked over to her. He hugged her with his little pudgy arms, in his favorite Turtle Ninjas shirt, and mumbled in her hair, "Got to go, bus'll be coming in a moment or so. Love ya' mum."  
She was saying it back to him as he exited the door, throwing a coat in one hand and his backpack in his other.

 

Louis stayed in his room as long as he could get away with it.  
Wasn't too long, anyway, because he heard around 8 a-clock, "Lou, come on. I know, Lou. Please come out?"  
He grunted. "Mum, I can't do this. Maybe tomorrow will do? Yeah, I have a good feeling about t-"

Suddenly the handle was moving, and suddenly the door was open. She frowned at him sympathetically.  
"Well. Well then. Forgot you had a key."  
She tried to smile but just hustled over and hugged him, "have a key for every room in this bloody house, you know that," Then she just stayed there. Louis was shaking slightly and regretted not opening his door before. Now he just wasted like minutes out of her schedule and she'll have to redo it all and it was all his fault and now-

"Lou, Lou babes calm down, I'm here its mom and you're fine, you're great okay? Y' did nothing wrong, no'ing wrong."  
"Mum, I won't like this." He said, once she got him to get refreshed and changed, and was out at the bus stop with her. He didn't eat breakfast because he wouldn't be able to hold it down, anyway. "i know, bae, but its just a day and you'll be great, I promise you. I believe in you and you could say absolutely nothing to make me change that, okay?"  
He nodded but still was shaking inside, a little, just his organs wrestling around trying to function again. He had a problem, he thinks, but its just nerves, probably. Everyone has first day nerves (and Christmas nerves, and Birthday nerves, and Tuesday-Mornings-In-April nerves). So he was good and even smirked at her as the school bus rolled away, with him on it and sitting by himself.

 

It was a few bus stops succeeding his that the volume rose to a whole new degree. "hey, its meh' lad! Didn't see you too much in the summer, you okay bud?" Niall sat beside him, his red little face never staying still for more than a second. Louis nodded a few times, and shook his head, whenever Niall spoke to him. Because there was almost no way of interrupting him, when there were like zero silent moments when around Niall, that little funny-headed jerk. But this was right now and Niall actually asked him a question; maybe he could see the bags under Louis' eyes, that hadn't been too evident last school year. Louis nodded a bit too suddenly, "Uhh, yeah, just visited me grandma, and yeah. Great. I'm stoked."  
And Niall smiled slightly, like he either knew something was up or was thinking why the heck Louis visited his "grandma" for a whole 2 and a half months, but either way Louis had to put his head back and close his eyes to keep from crying out of shame for his lies right then.

"Well, I heard that that lad to the left o' you is having a party tonight. You're going, right? Its an adult party, I guess." Nigh sighed. "Guess we'll have to go on the swings again, jeez. Not fucking kids anymore, so that sucks."

Louis smirked a little, while digging his hands into each palm. "Yeah, darn." He mumbled, not really listening. He was too tired for all this shit right now, anyway.

This was gonna be a really bad day; Louis didn't quite know how bad, though.

(The irony here is that its be so much worse than he thinks. Unfortunately.)

 

"What. What is that, oh man already?" Harry cringed. It was the hallway before first period and sure, he's younger than everyone else but does Nick have to do this on the first day? Right now? Harry kept walking, ignoring how Nick was calling him, like, "lad, did y' know people actually grow? Like you're a bloody midget still and I hadn't seen you for hundreds fortnights. You're like shorter than meh sister. She just just celebrated first year."

Harry got to his locker and could feel his skin itch, cause Nick was still following him with his little group. Harry bit his lip and tried to remember what his combination was. "Come on, man. That's not your locker, you use the cubicles, down the hall!" His group laughed like it was the only funny thing they ever heard (and it was even funny, Nick's lost his comic touch, Harry thinks, or maybe that's just Harry's mind twisting on him cause Nick been a sour dick since second year and all).

"Nick," He sniffled, turning around, "I have to get to first-"

"Oh. My God. Its like you're asking for it." Nick exclaims face red and stomach held. Harry looks down to see the whole fuss. Its his Ninja shirt. "What, is something wrong with this?' He mumbles, and looks back up frustrated. "is there?" Only Harry was so naive he realized he was just egging him to continue. So Nick did.

He opened his eyes more at the poor younger lad, mumbling, "Harry, you're kidding. You're so gay sometimes... and always."

Harry froze. He doesn't know what that meant. Was that bad? That meant happy. So Harry's happy? Well that's true, cause he is. Its his first day, after all, he's kinda gay about it. "Well, you are too, right? Like a lot now." Oh god. harry's a screw-up. He really is. (What's ironic is he didn't know how much he was, at the time: He knew, sure, but not how much.)

It wasn't until he felt tenderness on his cheek and a sting afterwards that he sorta knew that he messed up. Like a lot.

He saw blood splatter on the floor cause that's where is eyes were anyway.

He didn't know what to think. "guess you're not too gay, then." Harry mumbled.

The principle had to break them up a couple minutes later, in a full out brawl on the hallway to first class. Harry hadn't even opened his locker yet.

 

Harry had to sit there in silence, right across from Nick. They both were holding ice packs to their face even though Harry barely hit the boy. Harry was the one receiving it all. What he did lean though, is to never call anyone happy, cause maybe they don't want to be happy? harry just knows he doesn't like that whole hand-on-face-forcefully type of deal, so he's not gonna do that ever again.

But the only reason Harry hit him back was because that's what Gemma told him to do, and since she was 10 and knew everything, he listened to her. She said, specifically, "if a mate hits you hit him back then, show him you have power too". So its her fault; why don't they call her down, too? This is completely unfair, just discrimination or whatever rubbish-

Right then he heard sniffling. He looked over because he knew what crying sounded like too much for his age. A boy with long hair -and good eyelashes that were long but not too curly to look weird but were a dark brown like a horse- and red face was being escorted out of the principle's office, tear-stained face and being patted on the back by the receptionist. "just breathe, okay, love, you'll be fine, you just finished talking to your mum, right? You'll be fine."

Harry gulped. They boy kinda looked like a girl. He didn't look too gay.

But when he was walking out, Nick mumbled to him, "Faggot. Ha."

the boy cringed and looked like he'd cry again. But he did,n't, and walked out.

harry stopped caring what Nick meant with all these fancy-shmancy words. he is younger than everyone else, anyway, but smart enough in his maths and sciences to move up above his old class. So, yeah, he knows he'll be eased this year, but all for good fun, right? This is gonna be a good year.

(He doesn't really know that only a month or so in, it changes. Its a shit year, and for a while after, until he knew what he wanted.)

 

Louis was only a couple minutes late to his beginning class. Bad thing? It was phys-ed. Man, he can't run because he can barely control his thoughts, let alone his legs.

But Niall was already running around the track once Louis was changed and heading out. Niall was sweating cause he was sprinting, but that;s what Niall gets for wanting to be in cross country later in school years. Apparently, "with all the food I eat, i need it to leave somehow, right?' but Niall doesn't even have to worry about that. Its like he didn't even have any meat on his bones, let alone any reasons to start exercising.

"Hey, Niall," He said as he started to run on the track (God, how was he already winded? This is so messed up.) Niall was already beaming before he even started. "Well, did you even know how many girls go here? Like so many and man, oh Lou, we have an open gate to them all. Can't wait for this year, can you?"

Louis wanted to roll his eyes. He wasn't looking forward to it at all, not a bit. "yeah, can't wait, nothing could go wrong, not a bit." louis hates himself.

Louis had to wipe his face with the back of his hand starting Lap 2. He really needs to work out sometime.

"This school got so many new people, you know? Look around, its like a zoo." Niall giggled, and did indeed look around and follow his own directions. Louis wiped his eyes and then looked around. "Yeah, lots, can't believe it," But he could believe it because this wads life and there were lots of people, so, did Niall not know that or?

"So," Niall faded off, then nudged his elbow, "You know that kid, right?" Louis was gonna say "yeah" but he didn't even know what Ni was saying. So he didn't want to make up any facts so he looked up. "Hmm? What's that?"

Niall repeated himself, with a bit of a chuckle. Louis looked to his right, to the jump-roping section. Some kid was playing by himself: alone, and yeah Louis knew him then.

"Yeah, that's uhh. Harry, I think?"

Niall nodded, but it may just have been from the running vibrations. Louis has lost count of the laps, by this point. "Bit of a loner, haha. Funny, though, but in a stupid little kid way. So." Louis was gonna say something, but he didn't even know this boy. So he shut himself up. "Yeah, ha," He said, to not look like a freak for being quiet. But then it was almost like Harry heard them. he looked up and Louis gasped, almost. But Niall gasped for him. "Oi, god, look at da' eye on him, completely busted up, geez. Poor boy, man oh geez."

Louis would like to say that Harry (or whatever) was tearing up because his eye was swollen, but Louis knew better. he now regrets (oh god not again) saying anything that class. Oh god no not here-

Louis wiped his hands on his pants and said, mumbling, "Gotta use the loo be right back then umm" before hustling off, and backtracking because he almost went into the girls and that'd be horrendous. "Okay then?" He heard Niall muse behind him, still going at it, "Have fun, or something? Ha."

Louis couldn't get in their faster. he stopped breathing before he opened the stupid door.

He walked in circles, like the doctor told him to (circles makes it slow down, trust me,) and it sort of did. But not too much, because he felt really nauseous suddenly and he could almost feel his skin turning green. It wasn't long till he ran to a stall.

When he finished, he felt slightly lighter. That's weird.

 

He'd like to say the day went really fast, but since he's himself and fucks everything up, it didn't. But when he got home, after his byes to Niall and all, he told his mum with a kiss on her cheek, "great first day, couldn't have gone better." "Really?" She looked stricken with something, and Louis wished it was a "no it wasn't tell me the truth little boy" look, but it was more of a "thank god because now i can stop worrying and make him feel more pressure" look. (So maybe she didn't know it pressurized him, but he sure as hell knew it did.)

"Well, umm, go get ready." She mumbled, trying to bite the huge-ass smile off her face. (He can't help but swear because he feels bad again and doesn't want to,  not at all.)

"The party?" he asked, but he knew. She looked surprised again. "Yeah, umm, you know how?"

"Niall." He shrugged. Then he walked upstairs without any other words. She just sipped at her coffee some more.

Louis knew what to change into for a party, he changed into the same thing every time, anyway. just some black trousers and a grey vest over a button-down shirt. The usual.

He was parting his hair for the fourth time when he heard, "I know they live beside us, Lou, but you can't take bloody 20 minutes!"

His stomach grumbled (didn't have time to eat, anyway,) and went down after her. Her perfume smelled like strawberries covered in vanilla beans.

 

they hugged for a minute or two, his mum and that Harry's. They were cooing over eachother's outfits and Louis felt really out of place until the woman (Ann, or Anne? One of the sort) looked down at him and sighed, saying, "Hey, love, he's upstairs. First one to arrive, you are. Have you seen him, yet, I mean?"

Louis nodded slightly. He went up the stairs so Anne didn't have to explain to him, like he was a kid or something (he was in Year 6, anyway, growing up and shit like that).

 

When he walked into the room, Harry had his head on his pillow. Louis still felt so out of place here. "Can you breathe like that?" Harry looked up with swollen eyes and glared at him slightly.

Louis shuffled his feet. "Just curious."

"Really, would I still be alive if I couldn't? Close the door."

Louis took a step back and closed it. He heard Harry spit out, "With you in here, geez-Louise."

"meh name's Louis, actually," Louis mumbled, walking back in and then shutting the bloody door.

Harry smirked a little with those lips of his. "You knew it was a saying."

"Sarcasm is what its called, mate," Louis went over and sat next to him on the bed.

it was silent, and they both weren't witty anymore. They don't even know eachother anyway. How do you talk to someone you don't know? Louis was about to feel sick when Harry finally said, out of the blue, "Nick's a jerk. Don't let him get to you."

Louis pursed his lips and froze. What does he say to that? This kid doesn't know Nick like Louis does, who does he even think he is, anyway? Eventually, he stuck with a solid, "I don't."

And that was that. Harry tried to make a conversation but Louis struck him down. Louis doesn't have time to feel bad, because suddenly, there was a, "Sorry, uhh. I didn't mean to do that." The awkward stuttering gave it away. It was Liam from Year 6. Somehow he was older than them but still acted like he was in, godforsaken, Year 2 or something.

Louis looked up and so did Harry, as Liam approached them and just decided to sit on the floor. "So, what's up?" he tried, too, that Liam did. Not like it could get far because suddenly there was a "just stop for a second, Niall," with a certain strong, "Gosh, who even are you, mate, I was just trying to talk to you like a-"

And the door opened; Liam opened it, and his face turned red. Louis really wanted to leave by this point.

The black-haired kid, Zayn, cleared his throat and looked around. "you ave a nice room, I like your.. walls." Niall mumbled, feeling bashful, "yeah, they're all blue and stuff. I like blue."

Louis looked over  when Harry muttered dryly, "yeah, I do too. That's why they're my walls."

Louis gulped. This was going to be a long night.

 

They ended up playing a board game: Sorry. And Louis felt really sorry, because half-way through, Niall and Zayn started fighting and left. It was around 8:10 when Liam left, saying he had to go sleep then. Harry bit his lip to keep from laughing, and Louis was kicking himself to not smile.

So it was now just them two. Liam left only a bit ago when Harry said, looking out of his window, "What;s gay mean? Its happy."

"Umm." Louis closed his eyes and tried to think of something. "its when, umm, its a mean name for something."

Harry, for some weird reason, wouldn't lighten up on it, so he said, "but, for what, though? Because today-"

"Its when 2 blokes like eachother. That's all."

Harry's eyes widened. Then he shut them, but it was two late, because Louis saw him. "What's wrong, Harry?"

When silence happened for longer than Louis needed to start his worrying, he repeated himself more steadily, "What is it, just fucking tell me then, will you? I hate worrying like this." Lie; Louis lives off of it. Harry just shook his head, and got up. "Gotta pee," He mumbled, and went to the door.

His little pudgy hand was resting on the golden knob when he stopped, looked down, and slurred out, "Just, Nick got real mad when I called him that. Real mad." Louis knew what he meant when Harry then rubbed his face and cringed so sadly at it. Louis could almost feel his pain.

"Louis, you ready to go?"

He didn't want to look away from Harry, but its not like he could just sit there forever and pity him. he got up and brushed himself off, though there wasn't anything to brush off (just a stupid habit of his). "I, umm," Louis started, looking around like he was looking for something to not leave behind (he didn't bring anything, anyway).

Harry was stuck at the door, gripping it, waiting expectantly for Louis to say something of value, but Louis just bit his lip. His shoulders dropped and he passively walked over, long steps because he really wanted to leave, suddenly, because he can't just be here with Harry any more. He'll go insane (well, more insane).

The sky was blue, and it left little specks of light between the crevices of Harry's carpet, the contrasting colors hurting Louis' tired eyes.

Louis wiped his hands on his trousers and looked at Harry's forehead -they were about the same height, weirdly- because he just couldn't bear eye contact (Harry was looking to the ground, anyway), when Harry suddenly took in a sharp breath and said, "Well, thanks for coming. And stepping inside the door."

Louis smiled a little, as big as he could get it (he was stuck frozen again, just nerves and shivering and cold sweats and all the works of social anxiety at its best), "Oh, you're just saying that, awh," He cooed mockingly, and Harry actually laughed at it. Harry's laugh was like a hacking sound at first, two pitches higher than his tenor speaking voice, and just short giggles after. the way Harry then tried to cover it up with a balled, embarrassed fist make his insides weep even more. He shook himself off a little, pumping up and down on his feet, and just stuck with a little hug. 'yeah bye," He muttered and left the room, Harry's smile still burning him and rotting him inside and out.

The moon was blue as he and his mum walked back to their house. Louis looked over with wide eyes, realizing something, "Where's the girls at?"

He almost regretted saying it, because he understood right when he saw her cringe so inward it was like her ribs were evaporating like dust in the crescent sky. Still she answered him. "At their father's." he didn't call him Louis' father, because it was almost like she finally understood that Louis didn't see him as that; that Louis saw him as a little ant searching for crumbs on the ground. He nothing more, though he should have, as they walked back into the house. "Pretty tired," He muttered, before she could offer to whip him up a snack. She stayed quiet, as he headed up the steps but before he closed his bedroom door, he heard a muffled, desperate, "Night, pumpkin," Before he slammed down on his bed, not really tired at all (He could just feel Harry burning him, through and through).

 

It was about a week later Harry was back in Louis' field of vision. It was now a Friday and they hadn't seen eachother in, like, 5 days, even though Louis subconsciously tried to look for him (not too hard, of course, its not like Louis been up one or two nights thinking about that burning sensation, and why it felt weird but good).

The weather has been changing already from summer to fall, and the leaves were fading into orange as well (literally half a leaf is brown and green, like its struggling to live and not die off like the others). The ground is still as dead as ever, just brown and not green (it'll take a while for the life to come back to it, but Louis didn't know about patience at this time).

Louis was walking home from school and it felt kinda bland. Like the oatmeal without any flavoring in it? Yeah, these last couple days have been like that, where Louis doesn't have much time for anything (though he really has no social life whatsoever), or have time for anything but trying to find anything but exhaustion. Maybe its because that day, Louis saw Nick in the hallway (but not quick enough, Louis saw him because Nick shoved him into a locker with a quick laugh), and Louis spent all of phys ed hearing Niall talk about how annoying Zayn was and how he didn't even know Zayn but he wanted to just rip his skin off ('metaphorically', Niall added, so Louis wouldn't report him to the office or whatever, like Louis had enough time to do that). And maybe he had to help Liam pick up his books because he tripped down the steps via worrying too much (maybe he should have learnt a lesson or two from Liam, but Louis had too much on his empty schedule to do that, maybe later, but not right now, no no no).

Its Friday and Louis is kind of in a bad place right now.

But when he walks through the door suddenly he wants to be sick (wants to, but can't, his mum is right there for Christ's sake, that'll blow his cov-).

He heard sniffling and heard a muffled, sad-sounding, croaky, "ugh, I want tea."

"I know, honeybee, I'm looking for it! Gosh, how much oatmeal can one bloke keep stocked in cabinets?"

Louis shut the door to show he was there, well at least now. Anne's head popped into the doorway, craning from the cabinet-side (well, the oatmeal comment made sense now), but the harry-being-here-and-sick thing didn't yet. "Hey, Lou, I have to leave for work, and your mum said it'd be okay if you could watch Harry, he has the flu and all, so," and suddenly she was running over here and putting on  her light wool jacket, light grey and fuzzy looking, and slipping on her heels, saying, "Thanks you're great love your hair like that bye," before Louis could even breathe out.

He looked over. Harry shrugged. "Can I have tea now?"

Louis rolled his eyes a little. He wasn't really in the mood for this (even though his heart stopped a little at how stupidly red Harry's nose looked like a freaking bad impression of Rudolph). He snarled with, "Can you make it yourself, like a big boy can?" He mockingly put on a baby face, but walked into the kitchen anyway.

(If his dad were there, he'd say with a gesture from his sloshing beer bottle, "looks like we already know who wears the pants in this relationship', and then chuckle like the dark knight but three thousand times more demonic).

"What kind?" Louis asked, but its like he could feel Harry shrugging carelessly, switching the channel. "Don't care," He heard thrown back to him, like a fading-colored football being thrown on Easter morning (that was a hobby of his, but his dad would always say something like, 'it aint a butterfly, so stop marching around like a ballerina!' even though it never make 100 percent sense).

Louis just stuck with no flavoring; no vanilla or anything, because if Harry was going to act bitter than his tea should taste like it, too.

But he felt bad when he was carrying it back out, so he backtracked and put three teaspoons of sugar in it. Then he headed back out.

The living room was dark and so was the sky; it was slightly glowing, like the horizon was all brown but the sky was orange like a pumpkin (Louis cringed, thinking of "night, Pumpkin," before cursing himself not to). The sky was glowing trough the lace curtains and onto the dull-blue carpet, the color of a towel that looked like it needed the chlorine wrung out of it after a tiring swimming class, and their walls were a light brown wood, even though Louis wanted them to be Mahogany.

(whenever they were at the hardware store, ready to re-do the walls approximately 3 or so years ago, Louis whined about the wood his dad got and put in the cart, "Why can't it be Mahogany, it'd match the carpet in a good, different, contrasting way!" and his dad just went on with his business but Louis did hear him, he heard him mutter, "Well, we don't all get want we want, do we princess?)

(Louis knew for a fact that the Mahogany was on sale and his dad just got that kind to bother Louis. Wouldn't surprise him if that was true, anyway, whether how pathetic or all that sounded to be, because it really was, it really really was.)

He could barely see Harry under the mountain of flannel blankets on top of him now; they  certainly weren't all on him when he first walked in. 'here," he stuck out his hand and watched it slosh a little on his carpet (he cringed and swore to god to not think about if he was his dad, and if this mug was a bottle that Louis fetched for him, but then he started thinking about it).

"now, I have to go do my schoolwork, if you don't mind-" He was already spinning around to leave, when he heard Harry cough out a little. Then a sniffle. Then a sigh. but the sigh was Louis'. "I'm not gonna pity you, I'm just not in a good mood right now and I don't want to baby you and-"

"you don't have to baby me. I am in Year 4, after all." Yeah. Like that meant something.

Louis stood there, closing his eyes and thinking. He wanted Harry to continue to beg him to stay, beg him like Louis was actually important or useful or something. He wanted to feel needed for once in his life, that's all. He just really wanted that, and Harry kept begging him. "Come on, Lou, you can have a blanket? They're yours, after all. We can watch whatever you want, this is you house, come on man, just stay?"

Louis stood there. He wanted to turn back around and walk over there. But then he started to cry.

Harry should have freaked out. He only knew this kid, like one night, literally. Like this was a stranger-neighbor (for a lack of better words, Harry was only in Year 4, after all) and Harry should have felt conflicted, but he didn't. There was just a boy standing there, blocking his view from the tele but still, he was a boy who needed a hug. And Harry stood up and gave him one.

It felt like he touched a candle. Louis was on fire and he started screaming. "Stop, why does it even feel like that? It shouldn't!" And strangled out of Harry's gentle fingertips, writhing away like he was sand or something that easily destructible (he might have been, harry thought, he might as well been by that point).

"What does?" Harry sniffled, but still could mutter. He felt it too, though. He just wanted Louis to speak it, to say it out loud, so maybe it would all click into place, "What shouldn't feel like what?" Louis went silent. He just stood thee again. Harry was shaking form fear, like an abandoned puppy out in the rain, denied a ride in his family's new car.

He figured that if Louis was going to speak he would have done it by now. So Harry took the chance to do it himself. "Does it burn you, too?" He whimpered. Not just cause he's sick: cause he's scared. Th wind picked up outside, and it was after a little though being made that Louis said, 'Harry. I think we have a problem."

But then Louis ran upstairs and never really answered him.

 

When Harry's mom came back late,r harry made up a lie. "Yeah," Harry said, a little voice, littler than he ever spoke with before, "Just had to finish his work and all, only left me alone, for what, ten minute or like that? I was fine, anyway. he makes really good tea."

But when they left, no sight of Lou for hours by that that time of night, Harry realized that tea was left on the side-table, cold and abandoned.

 

"Gosh, I hate them, like with a fiery passion," Niall muttered, wiping sweat off with his towel. He took a large sip from his water before adding, "That's not music, that's not what music should be."

Louis nodded. He kinda was paying attention. "That's the future of music, anyway, might as well deal with it," and then Niall went into another rant about how 'oasis doesn't get enough recognition' and 'is the verve that unpopular or something??' Louis was looking around, and found it. "hey, Zayn, would you come here for a sec?" Zayn stopped running, and looked their way. He made a sour face when he saw Niall, but nevertheless walked over their way, off the fast-paced track. "Yeah, what is it?" Niall was too busy checking out girls doing the long-jump to hear what's going on.

"Do you like the Backstreet Boys?" Zayn sighed so heavy Louis thought it was like a bomb, almost, but not quite, just sounded like disappointment. "You talking about their over-popularized faces or their pathetic attempt at musicality?"

Niall was paying attention now. Louis left right when Niall muttered a, "Tell me about it," and Zayn did tell him about it. They told eachother about it.

And Louis walked away and into the locker room to shower. the blue walls jumped out at him, like a "Hey you're a boy you must like blue, right?" and Louis could almost still feel that blanket he had as a kid, all blue and so gender-filing it could make him vomit right now (but he couldn't that would blow his cov-)

"Oh. Sorry. I'll leave." He wasn't even paying attention but when he did, he wanted to leave himself. Harry was wiping his eyes, and not to get sweat out of them.

"No," Louis was suddenly saying, "Don't."

Harry looked embarrassed now, and Louis felt bad for it. He still couldn't help but say, "What's wrong, what is it? Was it Nick?"

Harry looked down. "I was um," He started, like he had a mouthful of words to say but didn't know how to quite say it right, "I was with this girl, yesterday, and he saw and.."

"And, what?" Louis was afraid to hear the end, and already wanted to hurt Nick. Real bad.

"He," Harry looked up. His face was swelled, where his green of his eyes weren't even visible anymore, but right now, and Louis almost wanted to cry. But he's a boy and he likes blue apparently so he didn't. He wouldn't be a man, like his dad used to say.

"Did he hit you again." Louis uttered out. his lips weren't even moving, it was that silent. But Harry still flinched.

"Harry. Answer me. Did he hit you? Did he fucking hit you?"

Harry was getting all flustered and fiddling his his hands and wringing them out like towels getting rid of chlorine an now Louis felt his heart, felt his heart real loud like it was multiple fireworks on a vibrant summer afternoon, just dark enough to see the light. "Oh my god Harry answer me," He rushed out, just wanting to know what was hurting this little piece of perfection, "Harry."

Harry got up and started to walk away, but Louis zoomed  forward and grabbed hold of his wrist. Harry whimpered. Louis loosened his grip (he really felt like his dad by this pint, being the aggressive one instead of the usual passive).

"He, umm," Harry's lip was quivering uncontrollably. Louis was really putting the pressure on him, but he needed an answer so when he went to the office for punching Nick's bloody (literally, and just a phrase) in, he'd have a hella' good reasoning for it. "he took me out back and kissed me. When I resisted, he uh." He gestured with his free hand., "Did that to me. Said he wanted 'to experiment with a nobody, before being sure.'"

Louis was gone after the last word. He had some business to take care of.

He was marching through the class like it was all his.

"Nick you son of a bitch come out here and fight like a man, will ya'!" He screamed and spun around, making sure it echoed in all directions, "Be a fucking man and take what you deserve! Right now would be great!" When he caught a hold of Nick, over there and staring at Louis, surrounded by girls, that only made Louis more furious.

He was over there before Niall stopped ranting.

He was hitting Nick, straddling him on the ground, blood staining his fists, like he knew Harry enough to do this. His eyes were straining and he was getting tired, but he had to do this. he had to do this or that little boy, right here and right now.

Plus, Nick's a dick so he already should have seen this coming his way. "Louis!" Niall was pulling him back. Too late; the damage is done. Nick was crying (like the faggot that he always called Louis, shows him right). The gym teacher ran over as Niall continued to scold, with Zayn gasping beside him, "Lou, what the hell man? What are you doing?"

"Doing what should be done," Louis grunted, still squirming in Niall's harsh grasp, "Doing what should have been fucking done a long time ago." Niall loosened his grasp,then fully let go. "Oh man, this is bad," is what Niall whispered as the teachers dragged Nick inside and probably to the Nurses's office, "This is really bad."

"Did what had to be done, that's all." Louis said, voice empty and desperate. Desperate to find Harry.

Didn't take too long, because when he turned around, he caught Harry staring at him long enough before he disappeared, like a puddle of cloudy water on a simmering July morning. Louis followed him, but then felt big arms on him, bigger than the scrawny ones that Niall has, or even Zayn's slightly muscular one.

He heard a gruff, "my office, now," and knew this was bad, really really bad.

 

 

His door was locked but he still heard what was going on downstairs. It was now Saturday morning and currently a full day since the.. incident (but Louis knew it was anything but that, really, he really meant what he did). Still, the sky was dark and now it was almost winter and the November air felt like a dull blue, but darker and not like a wrung out towel. Not like that one day when the heat became too much for him to handle, this seemed way worse. His mother sighing made him feel even more guilty.

"Yeah, he's never acted out like this, Anne, I don't know what happened,"

Then Anne was all like,  "Maybe just hormones? He's at that peaking age, you know,"

"For God's sake, he's just going on 12 in a fortnight or two.."

"Early puberty? You know, I saw on a talk show that boys are getting it even younger now than when w were k-"

"Do I have to be hear to hear this?" Louis sat up, all sudden like a spring. That was different than the 2 female voices, all mature and steady and low-voiced. This was a cracked, curious, immature voice that was aching. Lots of difference that even Louis couldn't ignore it, through all of this self-loathing that he was currently upholding.

"oh, no, honey.. Just umm.." Louis didn't hear the rest, but he was pretty sure he got the gist of it. He scrambled around and threw his close either under his bed, in a hamper, stuffed it all in his closet, and brushed his fingers through his hair. Sure, he was pretty sad still, but not enough that he'd want to look like shit to this boy, since the last time he saw him was pretty.. traumatizing.

Harry knocked for a little while, too hesitant, almost. Is he that afraid of Louis now?

"Just get in here," Louis strained, now all awkward and fidgety and gross-looking, probably. the door opened slowly, the moms still going on downstairs, the door creaking slightly, like it couldn't deal with this tension, either. Louis really couldn't handle this.

Suddenly he was there. Standing there, legs shaking and all. How were they the same height? Didn't matter, Louis was sitting on the edge of the bed, and suddenly the room didn't feel like it was his. Not with Harry in it. Not under these circumstances.

"Those shoes don't look too comfy," Louis was suddenly murmuring. Damn his loud mouth. "So?" Harry raised an eyebrow at him. Got an attitude, now, geez. Maybe a lot can happen in a day. "So," louis said, slowly, to kinda bug Harry, "You can sit down. Not gonna kill you or anything, I'm not a monster," The last part slipped out without any thought. Harry's eyes got wide and Louis reassured him, "No seriously, not gonna, just a joke, you know? Haha. Jokes are pretty funny. Ha."

Harry gulped. Then he slipped his shoes off and walked over. Louis felt the bed dent beside him, and smelt Harry's coconut hair to his left and felt his green eyes watching his profile. "Take a picture, it'll last longer," he muttered, a little irritated and all, its not like he's a museum or something. Harry should be paying for a ticket if he was, though.

"What was your punishment?" Harry burst out with, then Louis looked over and saw him using his balled fist to cover his mouth. Somehow it didn't hit Louis as hard as it did the first time. Not without his laughter to fill up the horrible, heavy silence.

Louis swallowed gently, then breathed in. Umm, the usual, just suspension."

Harry gasped slightly. "How long?"

Louis snapped. Why should he give a damn? He doesn't have to deal with it, its only Louis' fault. And Nick for being such a dick. "The usual amount." It was when Harry didn't reply, that the silence really hit them, hit the both of them. The sky suddenly seemed darker than before, now a purple, but not the good kind.

This was like a rotten eggplant kind of purple, it was purple like when Louis saw Harry for the first time, that swollen eyes and Harry reassuring him that he really could breathe on that pillow and all. Louis mumbled, "Two weeks for behavioral readjustment, like that means anything."

Harry held in his gasp, and Louis could tell. Harry instead chuckled a little. "Shoulda' seen Nick after, completely all vulnerable. Kinda deserved it."

"Really deserved it, you can't be messed around like that, Harry, and tell me if he ever does it again. You're worth more than that, okay?" Louis was watching him intently, but he wasn't really sure when or how Harry started crying. but suddenly Louis' blue bed-sheets (his father got them for him, Christmas two years ago) were being sprinkled by harry;s tears.

Louis leaned over faster than a train could've hit either of them, and they were hugging. "God, Harry, are you that insecure?"

Harry was now hiccuping, and this physically hurt Louis. "Just, nobody ever said that to me, you know?"

Louis froze. He felt his body go cold. He had felt this way before, that insecure. Long before he met Harry.

He pulled away from Harry. They were staring at eachother, both with heated eyes and shaking fingertips, so smooth and soft and so unused yet. Their fingertips were grasping onto something they didn't quite know yet.

Louis leaned in and felt fluttering on his lips. They were cold and not any bit of what Louis thought they would be like, and suddenly Louis realized they both didn't know how to kiss, and this was so weird. It wasn't warm, but it was nice. Really nice.

Louis pressed his on more. It felt urgent, like Louis had something to get off his chest. He still felt horribly cold, because suddenly Harry was pulling away and getting up. Louis knew what was happening. "No, Harry, please don't go, I'm sorry okay, its a joke, haha? Please no, it meant nothing, and-" His door slammed. This was turning into a problem bigger than Louis' ego could handle, bigger than the bruises his father left on his shoulder when he couldn't exactly throw the perfect curve ball last May.

Louis was almost 12 and Harry was too young to realize how much a debt this would take on Louis.


	3. Chapter 3

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